10 things I have learnt at 32
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to meeeee. Happy birthday Naomiiiii.
It’s ma birthday and I’ll send a letter if I want to. But this week my favourite people. I am just sending one. It will give you time to catch up on any missed recently at least.
So this week I have decided to take a week off work. I realised I actually don’t remember when I last took a week off work. I was working my part-time job all Christmas and then I realised that since like- Arlo and trying for the girls I haven’t paused at all. I haven’t taken a holiday anywhere physically or even tried to at home. If I wasn’t working my business I was working a part-time job. When I take a holiday from my part-time job I get excited about all the things I can do for my business.
I ain’t one of those who wangs on about not having a holiday like I need some kind of ‘oooohhhh ahh, that sounds really shit babes. Poor you.’ Nope, I can’t stand it when others say this. It is ENTIRELY my fault and I take full responsibility for being a dick and not prioritising myself to do this. I think when you work part-time and run your own business and then have children you rarely feel like you are working full-time as such and wonder what a week off would present itself as.
But, as Ali has taken a week off this week he is chief toilet attendant, arse wiper, snack getter, drink bottle searcher, child walker, duplo builder, washeruper, washing putter outer, wee cleaneruper,…and any other titles I can throw at him for one whole week while I am his Robin rather than being Batman…i.e. the main one running around like my arse is constantly on fire between working.
So as it’s my birthday, I thought I would reflect on some of the main things I have learnt now I am 32. It ain’t old but I can see how I will soon be 40. I mean, we chat about where the years go but this year has been ridiculous.
Ali asked me if I wanted to go out for my birthday. Nope. No ta. Keep the cash we’d spend on this for another time hun. I just didn’t fancy celebrating my birthday out with people serving me in a visor as a constant reminder this year is the year I turn 32 and the year of the rona. I’d rather hide at home and eat all the food and drink prosecco.
10 things:
You never ever feel like you’re not a little tired.
Why is it that you can go to bed at like 8.30/9 and wake up at 7. Getting a glorious long night of sleep on the regular and still feel tired. I don’t think I ever feel like I don’t need sleep. Is this making up for all those years of lack of sleep you don’t think you need in your 20s? Like when you think 6 hours is plenty?
People will come and go
I always worried about people in my life. Like you must hold onto them where possible. Even if there were times when they made you feel just a little bit shit. I have realised that people let you down and can surface icky feelings. It’s important for our mental health to let people go if over time the relationship just ain’t working for you. It’s OK. I have done this many times now. Probably more than most. But I know, now I am older and have realised this more, that I look for certain things in a relationship and I strive for these only.
Age does not exactly mean you’re wiser
The 20 something Naomi used to look at 30/40 year olds and above and think- older people must be so wise and just have more answers than me. Now I realise that age means nothing. But I do love it when there are 50 year olds who believe they should be garnering more respect, when really hun- you earn respect.
Ikea remains exciting
Trips to Ikea or other such home themed shops will always be a treat and enjoyable. Wandering through and eyeing up all the latest trends continues to be an issue for the bank balance and you can never own too many glasses in the glass cupboard.
We always wonder about the things we don’t have
I look at those who are 32 and single without children how quiet and calm their lives must be. How it must be a dream to just…get in the car and go wherever in a few seconds. “I am just popping out.” I don’t pop anywhere. But then those who are in this position perhaps want what I have three (maybe not necessarily three but ya know children) a husband (ball and chain…). We always daydream about others’ situations. We want it, we strive for it. We may get it and then wonder why we wanted it in the first place, sometimes. Not all the time of course.
You keep an eye on neighbours more than in your early 20s
I love a good neighbourhood watch session or if I go on my walk coming back with a, ‘babe, you’ll never guess what I saw at number 20s.’ I quite frankly LIVE for this goss. It’s very enjoyable and I’m sure it comes down to not getting out enough.
You question if you can go to clubs…ever again
Would a 32 year old look old in a club. I am trying to remember seeing those who were older in the clubs when I was 19 and wondering…if I saw a 32 year old if I’d think “R U OK HUN.” This concerns me because I do keep up with popular culture and would still keep up with the latest tunes on the dancefloor.
Your body will start to point south
No amount of rose quartz rolling, kettle bell lifting, squatting and jogs will prevent the inevitable. My boobs (lack of) sag lower, my arse though still relatively pert just ain’t as pert as it once was. You will always be making peace with your body and its changes.
You can learn to love yourself more
If I had known what I know now about myself now I would have shown myself a little more respect. Learning to love ourselves is of huge importance. Especially as we transition from one stage of our lives to another. Taking time to love ourselves is not selfish- it’s paramount.
You will always love the TV, songs and toys of your childhood
It doesn’t matter how far advanced toys or how wonderful new TV gets. You will always reminisce about your era. So for me of course it’s the 90s. Polly pockets are still the best small world toys, you can’t beat a bit of Teenage Dirtbag and Pocahontas is legit the best Disney film. IMO.
In the last few months I have been on a journey to learn more about myself and my traumas. I have spent all my 20s struggling with my past and have plans to spend my 30s healing my traumas in ways I have never explored before. Hitting 30 made me realise that I don’t want my mental health to continue as it has and in order to find light- you have to sit back with the dark.
Recently I came across the most INCREDIBLE calculator. So you can calculate your chiron in your natal chart.
“The presence of different types of planets in our natal chart is not only likely to shape our character, passion or traits but also it gives us rewards, heals and teaches the important lesson of life. Like the other planets, Chiron is also present in our natal chart. In fact Chiron is an asteroid which is present between Saturn and Uranus.”
“The planet “Chiron” is also present in our natal chart like the other planets. There are many stories associated with the Chiron from the past years. According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a healer, philosopher and teacher who ironically, could not heal himself. Therefore, Chiron stands at the bridge of the human world and the transpersonal world. In fact it represents our deepest wound and our efforts to heal the wound. Chiron in our natal charts points to where we have healing powers as the result of our own deep spiritual wounds. In short, the placement of Chiron reveals our secret power.
I calculated mine and you can do the same here:
I really wanted to share mine (and Ali’s was absolutely bang on too). Because it could basically be the blurb for my letters:
“…. make you hypersensitive to how others react to your own feelings and needs. You are especially aware of the emotions and needs of others. The unhealable injury for you, is your family.
You believe that your parents did not give you proper care, love and a sense of security. You try to compensate for this by creating your own big family, constantly dealing with the past. One good side of you, is nurturing yourself. It is difficult for you to let others care for you. You may give to everyone except yourself. You may end up taking in every stray that crosses your path.
You need to learn to give and to cherish your own needs. This will help you to balance and make you whole. You are advised to open yourself to accept love and care from others as it is a big step towards healing that inner hurts you.
Wounds :
You find trouble feeling “at home” or safe both in your body and in the world. You tend to have family dysfunction.
Healing Gifts :
You would like to create a safe haven for community and would help to empower women. You like to gain wisdom nutritional or nourish with food. You are shrewd at financial planning.
It did mention xenophobia which is of course a prejudice against others from other countries, but as I am just finishing this book and feel more appalled than ever I know this part doesn’t apply but the rest of it. Wow.
Welcome to my inner 30s.
Much love
Naomi x
