Protecting your time

We are moving into Autumn and with it comes Virgo energy. The back-to-school feels is around and not just because it literally is back to school. Virgo energy brings with it all the ‘get stuff done’ kind of feels.

The realisation that we only have 4 months left of the year; that we are finally in the last third of 2020 will only add to the focus. The colder days mean we are happy to wrap up warm and stay home more (more than perhaps even when it was lockdown- perhaps we accept staying home a little more). This kind of inward focus is great energy to work with.

Our seasons in our cycle mirror the seasons in nature. The leaves falling, the wrapping up. We want to get things done before Winter sets in- when it’s too cold to be arsed with all the to-dos such as painting the bathroom and the garden tidy-up. Oestrogen continues to fall as we move towards our period but we are still using this energy before progesterone is at its highest. Virgo is a representation of the boost we continue to ride on in our monthly cycles.

In Leo season we consider what we need to change and in Virgo season we are looking to actually do it. We crack out the new notebook, we write down specific steps in order to achieve our goals. We go for that online course. We just want to get shit done.

“This hardworking, detail-oriented, and critical sign is represented by the Virgin for its pure and discriminating nature. Observant Virgo is quick to notice flaws and fix them, helping others reach their highest potential. One of Virgo’s strongest abilities is to take in a wealth of information, and pick out only what’s important and useful. This makes Virgo one of the most productive and efficient signs of all.” Tarot.com

All this sounds great, we love a to do list and we absolutely thrive on ticking things off it. For some of us this will be small to-dos like actually waking up and doing that work-out you have been planning on doing for months on end. For others, it’s bigger life changes such as putting yourself out there again for dating.

But the thing is, we all question whether we have the time to make changes do the things we want to do.

For some reason, I have a magical ability to do all the things that I have planned on my to do and some. I am all about getting things done. If I don’t- I am quite critical of myself. Though in recent years I have managed to cut myself some slack, I am still very ‘on it.’

I thought it was just what others did until I put myself out on social media and people constantly commented on how much I have going on. Team that with friends and Ali saying the same, I realised I am quite ‘out there’ with how much I try and squeeze in.

Think of Ali- he is very grey and already exhausted in the 10 years we have been together (Though the same person is telling me how a doer-upper house is totally achievable right now so I think my energy has rubbed off).

I AM NOT sharing the below to make anyone think anything more than either, “No different to what I do,” or, “You must know how to protect your time in order to achieve such things within a week.” It also comes with a disclaimer that I am in a relationship which helps with the children and without this support I wouldn’t get anywhere near the below done so as to show an understanding to those who are reading this as a single parent.

My life is always busy but I thrive off busy. That is definitely not for everyone. I have three children 4 and under. Twins who are pretty full on. I run a small business helping clients, write these newsletters twice a week, I exercise most mornings, work on my business for a minimum of 5 hours a day, spend quality time with my children within the day (most days but not all), I’m planning a project with all things vulvas with a friend, run a podcast, training on 3 courses at the same time, have an allotment and far too many house plants, sit with Ali for at least an hour of the evening to be present and don’t have a cleaner any more…ha! I joke… I don’t. Before July, I was also working 16 hours a week and before September last year I worked evenings and ran a handmade business.

So when it comes to protecting time- I know a thing or two. I thought the easiest thing would be to share some things I do to protect my time and my energy in order to achieve my weekly to do.

The aim of this letter, for those who feel it resonates, is to give you permission to do that thing you want to do. To not worry about finding the time but that you will carve the time. Whether that’s nipping to Aldi to join the house plant bandwagon or learning to crochet…

• My work space is just that. I have a phone ban and I will voice to Ali if I need some space. The children interact with me while I am working a lot (lined up cars, animals and “can you open this” on repeat). But I do ask them to allow mummy to work when needed. This is my time to work. Therefore when I am with them that is quality time rather than juggling the two.

• I do not meet up with people unless it fits in my schedule. Sounds like I am a bit of an arse and perhaps to some, I am. I don’t value loads of friendships. I simply value deeper more meaningful ones. Thus, I don’t seem to find those often and therefore I don’t meet up with others that often but when I do, I really make the most of it and park as many things as possible to savour that time.
• I delegate tasks to Ali. Look, I know I am lucky to have a husband who works from home full-time and logs off at 5pm. We both are struggling through the juggle. Remember we have chosen not to have a support ‘village’ for personal reasons. Neither of us have much time for hobbies as such. I knit in the evening but we don’t go to the gym for example, he hasn’t played golf in a long while as another example. At the moment, while the children are young, it’s the small sacrifices we make. We hope in time this becomes easier. At the moment for example, Ali has a jog after I have done some kind of work-out while he showers. All achieved around breakfast and child wrangling on the toilet. But- we both achieve the goal of some kind of exercise.
• I write the week ahead or even two if I have a lot on. I write down everything. To rooms I need to clean, to plant watering, to emails to send. I like the handwritten method. Nothing fancy here. I make sure that I have been clear with any plans with others. So if I haven’t heard back from someone I ask them outright while making my list and if they aren’t sure I often just park it until there is time for them to commit or I pencil it in with a ‘instead we could if this doesn’t go ahead.’
• I work with my cycle to use the boosts in energy I experience and protect myself in my winter so I am as productive as I can be. Zero point staring at a screen on my period if I can avoid it.
• I have a strict routine daily. Yes it’s flexible but if teaching as taught me anything, it’s children and adults thrive off a daily routine. I make time for work in the morning during the TV time, I work in naps and Ali makes lunch on his lunch break, I work after he has logged off straight away and continue to work, after a goodnight to the children, until 8pm.
• I don’t do mad hours (anymore). I used to stay up until 1/2am. Now that isn’t sustainable for me as a parent, a business owner and a wife. I know many can deal with late nights. Not me. If I don’t have 8 hours minimum, then I am just not as productive.
• I don’t do work on a Sunday. I do work all day Saturday’s quire regularly at the moment but Sunday’s is a protected day for the family. Knowing I have to fit it all in before that means I am more productive.
• Coming off social media more has been a time saving game changer. No longer do I spend 4 hours a day on my phone. So when I have a spare few minutes I get something done. For example, if the children are happy playing by themselves for 20 minutes- that’s 20 minutes to do something of use rather than scroll and answer DMs.
• I don’t answer messages on my phone past 8pm. I will turn off my phone at 8pm. Admittedly that means I am delayed sometimes in responses to friends but my friends understand and I understand if someone else is delayed. No expectations here for people to be responsive. Imagine how long it used to take with just letters and missing people ‘in’ on the landline.
• My anxiety is a bit of a fuel for getting stuff done. BUT, though I don’t always value this, I do use this energy to achieve things because without such achievement I am more anxious. I know this is wrapped up in a few emotions such as guilt, shame, self-doubt. It’s how I use the energy and how my anxiousness shows up. For example, if I am more upset about something not being achieved then it’s because firstly: I wasn’t realistic with my expectations. Secondly, I am probably more tired because I have been pushing myself.
• This then means I should take a step back. Re-evaluate and protect my own energy. What have I achieved? What is more achievable right now to give me a much needed boost?

I could go on. It is something I am really passionate about. In fact for me, the more I bring into my life that isn’t anything to do with my phone or laptop, the more it feeds the rest of my life. My house plants fed my passion for all things plant which propelled me to get an allotment. My allotment pushed me to reassess other aspects of our shopping. My ability to sell things handmade between a 4 month old fuelled my ambition to make pears which pushed me to take it seriously which allowed me to sell it this year.

Without pushing through time constraints and protecting our energy as a family then lots of what I do achieve wouldn’t be possible.

I have created a weekly to do sheet in case it is of use. It’s a basic Monday to Saturday and the one method that works for me the most.

weekly to do sheet

I hope this letter is of some use- it’s not a brag. Like one of those people who wants to tell you about how much commission they’ve made that month while you’re struggling to find spare cash for beans on toast. I certainly know I put off people being friends with me because I am just ‘too much’ in a ‘why does she just seem to just DO it ALL.’ I don’t take it personally, that is their insecurity. I certainly would never, ever share all I do with others in chats. In fact most people in real life hardly know what I actually do. I have a neighbour who I have met up with many times over the years and they have no clue what I do behind closed doors- I just tell them I work part-time in customer service. That may seem strange but I do that because I never want to over-share to people who haven’t asked. I don’t like to share that I protect my energy for reasons like scaling a small business while having a very young family. Ali always used to say, “Imagine the time you will have for such things when the children are at school.” Me: “So I have booked on that course we discussed I could do in 3 years and it starts next month.”

Do I still breakdown and let the tears flow because things feel too much? Yes! But do I allow myself to sit with the emotion in order to really feel it so I identify why I suddenly feel such a way? I do now…post two pretty bad burn-outs. I also know how to lean in and out carefully- tuning into my body as I go.

The point I am trying to make, is that all I want to do is inspire and provide inspiration and…just perk ya tits up loves. So you feel that perky titty energy and to all the things you want to do and not feel like you need to wait until you have more time. The time can always be now.

Much love

Naomi x