Everyone deserves happiness
Deserves, that’s an interesting word. Do we simply deserve to be happy? Is it just a thing we all get given at birth like a little token “here is your happiness token take it with you and go forth into life.”
I am coming at this from a white female living in Sussex in the UK and will never be able to understand some of the difficulties others are born into. I can only imagine. But, what I am referring to for the purpose of this email are those who feel that they simply deserve to be happy. Like happiness is something that lands at your feet and continues with you for your whole, entire life. Like it is a thing that should never waiver and when we find ourselves facing adversity it’s a real mind fuck- “why can’t I just be happy and not have to deal with shit.”
We all have to deal with shit. Shit comes at you in a constant shitty cycle. There will be times when things are simply less shit heavy and times when things feel like they are coated in a brown shit colour. It’s (in) the circle of life…
It’s the wheel of fortune
It’s the leap of faith
It’s the band of hope
‘Til we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life
I got distracted…it’s all the Disney + homeschooling we are nailing here.
So happiness. Let’s define what it even is. Happiness is “the state of being happy.” I wonder if we are ever truly happy when you consider the fact that we are always finding things to improve on and this incurs, in general, some unhappiness at the time. We are constantly striving for other things, more of things and really we are simply striving to be happy. This constant push to find this state of happiness is, quite frankly, exhausting. I feel we should really be re-defining happy as content. We can more easily find ourselves content than ‘happy.’ When someone asks you: “are you happy right now”- it’s like a fuck…am I? When someone says “are you feeling content right now” right now I am eating a wonderful lunch so yeah I am actually. Ya catch ma drift? Considering if we are content keeps us in the here and now too.
Then… then there are those who can’t even be arsed to find happiness. Those people are the cba people. The people where everything is fucking shit all the fucking time. Yes, sometimes things are really shit. But it can be really hard for some people to rise above the turd like pile that has landed at their door and find any positives at all. Not a single one. Sometimes that is because someone is genuinely struggling and this has been a real taboo. So much so that people struggle to say “I am struggling and genuinely need help” instead they just feel like everything is on top of them and they wonder if they will ever find happiness. This place, this place is tough.
When we are constantly as a society striving for happiness, it can make others feel like they are *not happy* and this is incredibly frustrating when realistically no one can define what happiness truly feels like every single day because it sounds absolutely impossible to be happy every day. So if you aren’t happy everyday does this make you unhappy and unappreciative or is it that you need to strive for more? cue more stress and unhappiness in the pursuit of happiness.
No one deserves just to be happy. Everyone deserves to feel content. Feeling content is much more obtainable but still requires steps.
So because some randomer in your inbox says “don’t worry about happiness find contentment” doesn’t mean suddenly you will be content.
Let’s consider some ways to help move this forward positively together…
Looking around you and considering how far you have come is a wonderful way of finding positives in what can be a shit situation. Take my BDD- I used to genuinely have to cover my arms and legs in the Summer in public but now I am able to wander around in this beautiful warm weather we are having, in a strappy top and shorts. I know I will never truly feel happy in my own body but I do now appreciate that I don’t feel as restricted as I once did.
There’s the “what are we grateful for” approach. Seems pretty basic and has been mentioned millions of times. You know it exists. But the question is whether you have actually tried it? Have you written down three things you are grateful for daily as a habit and considered if it has altered your mindset or have you just acknowledged this technique and ensured as you wander through your days you note the things you are grateful for. “I am grateful for my washing machine, my washing line and today’s sunshine.” Seems a basic approach but if your washing machine has ever broken it is a real pain in the arse and rather stressful- then of course there’s the obvious where some can’t even afford or have a washing machine. Some don’t have the luxury of a washing line outside. You get where I am going with this.
What about having a social media cleanse. I mean like- be brutal. If you find yourself on Sarah’s profile staring at her beautiful perky breasts with her beautiful perfect kitchen making thousands as an editor of “you are fabulous darling” magazine then just unfollow or mute… ffs. Then of course your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to find some accounts who perk your tits up and turn on notifications for them or always go to them first. Everyone finds someone annoying. I mean, I MUST piss people off on my Instagram account because we all come from different backgrounds and stories and follow people for different reasons.
What about a friend cleanse. Well, as much as one can. Is there someone who doesn’t make you feel like you deserve all the love and joy. Or someone who relies on you quite heavily and they are starting to bring you down with them a little. Have a break, tell them as such. You know it is not your job to make anyone else “happy”.
It is really up to you to look at your life and do a little life audit. Things that perk you up, things that make ya sag. No one really, truly wants saggy tits. We can’t solve saggy tits*, but we can perk them up with a good bra.
Much Love
Naomi x
This week’s resource:
Further reading:
The three ingredient good life recipe
It’s Ok to feel blue and other lies
The subtle art of not giving a fuck
*even having a boob job could make you feel sad again once you have spent the money, gone through the op and questioned if natural is better.
