What is emotional by-passing

Over the past few months I have been immersing myself in emotional by-passing.

Over the years I have (like so many) been through a few traumas and a fair amount of emotional abuse.

When a trauma occurs our bodies activate a protective mechanism. If a stressor is too much for us then it overloads the nervous system. So if our body is not in a place to properly deal with the trauma our body activates the fight or flight response. The trauma then is stored in our organs, muscles and connective tissues. Over time, our brain disassociates with that part of the body where the trauma is stored thus we never actually deal with it. We by-pass it. Any area of our body where our brain has disconnected from will struggle to stay healthy and heal itself.

Day to day emotional by-passing is easily done. Without taking the time to explore our emotions around something, we will just simply bury it, ignore it, sit on it. We won’t actually deal with it.

When we go through burn-out for example or we just cannot cope with anything more, it is because we have been by-passing the emotions over time and storing them in our bodies. Eventually things have to be released else things just get too much. Our bodies are constantly in fight or flight- our cortisol levels are high. Having high cortisol levels impedes on everything- our body is not in homeostasis. One of my main interests is our fertile health. So, if you have high cortisol levels these impact on our cycles. It manifests itself as all sorts of things from anovulatory cycles, painful ovulation/periods to increasing the impact of endo.

With today being so manic- we don’t have time to always process our emotions like we need to. Or we simply brush over them and scroll on our phones to fill the void or avoid working on the issue in hand.

We can, if we really want, by-pass our life. Live through others’ lives and never even bother to acknowledge who we are as cyclical beings who need love and care. We may never honour or look after our inner child. We may, for example, have never received the real, deep love we needed from our own mothers but instead forget that we do need mothering too.

What happens is that over the years you build on your toolbox of things that allow you to cope. Coping strategies for all the things life throws at you. When something happens you go to said toolbox and pull out whatever it may be. Emotional by-passing is in all of our toolboxes. We aren’t taught emotional literacy in school thus we learn to just sit on our feelings and gloss over them.

Here’s an example:

Someone abuses their position with you. Perhaps someone at work bullies you and it triggers many emotions. You feel awful and you hate going into work. You may cry, you may not. But what happens is that eventually you either block out the pain and upset and say, “That’s just the way Karen is.” Or you leave your job and find another that makes you happy.

When negative thoughts have been constantly sent to you over time, they upset your balance. In fact, our bodies are made of 80% water and it has been researched that negative thoughts impressed on water can change the structure. Positive thoughts create beautiful patterns. Imagine what a few months or years of emotional abuse could do to your well-being.

You by-pass this experience with Karen and move on. You don’t actually heal from the experience. It is stored in your body.

“Happiness is our birthright, but we cannot embody it if we keep turning away from our pain, trying to access the treasure without having faced the dragon.” Robert Masters

So how does one avoid emotional by-passing?

Ya got to do the work hun. It is deep, hard, arduous work.

I loved the book: “emotional intimacy” It’s a great starting point but I know for some it seems a little bleak to read all about emotions. Essentially, it’s about labelling your emotions and acknowledging them for what they are.

You can engage in shadow work. There’s a great booklet on journalling prompts for this here.

You can seek the support of a coach, therapist, counsellor whatever that may be.

You can seek energy work to help to physically remove emotions from your body.

Breath work is a game-changer for seeking out and allowing the breath to cleverly find and work through your emotions.

Journalling daily.

Having frank conversations with those who are hurting you. No blame needed just: I am feeling sadness right now.

Even acknowledging the fact that you may have spent years ignoring your emotions fully.

Traumas and emotions can be stored in your body for a life-time and can present themselves as dis-ease. For myself for example, I hold the emotional pain in my back and through my digestive system. For you, it may be a knee that is a little ‘dodgy’ or tight shoulders.

Above all else, make sure you take the time to mother yourself, look after your inner child and acknowledge all the emotions you possibly can. Take the time you need.

Much love

Naomi x